Violence against a woman is especially sad

Bad things happened to me. I need help. If this is happening to others too, please tell me. Everything stays anonymous (for all of our safety.)

I am a rape victim. My ex was violent. It's too hard to come forward--but I'm trying. He is cyber bullying me during the court case. He hired an Expert Psychologist to manipulate me.  The Expert Dr. also has a law degree. My ex threatens me.  The court case continues slowly, with so many procedures I don't understand.  What are my civil rights?

Which civil rights do I lose when I sue?

I'm left here scared.

What else should I be warned of?

No one warned me that it's LEGAL for his Lawyers to bully me, insult me, intimidate me & put words in my mouth, telling me to admit this, swearing I said this earlier, lying about what I said earlier under oath, trying to confuse the judge, to distract from the issue that he attacked me sexually and physically. Battery is illegal, but while I'm proving he did crimes, he's allowed to attack my character and bring me down with him.

If I already did a grueling deposition, sat through his deposition where he lies, sat through his witness deposition of lies, and was bullied to fear & tears by his expert psychologist, IS THE WORST OVER-- or can it get even worse?  Is there a way to prevent it from getting worse?  If I had been warned about his expert psychologist playing dirty tricks, I might have not fallen so much.

I also didn't know I was allowed to attend pre trial conferences.  I wonder: Do other rape victims know that you're allowed to know what's going on, even if the lawyer's "too busy to tell you"?

Do other crime victims know you're allowed to ask NYPD to help you get away from your attacker & to a safe place?  Do crime victims know you're allowed to ask questions to the NYPD--but that you're better leaving & then calling for a Domestic Violence Officer rather than the the 911 responders who are not all trained in Domestic Violence issues & are just used to dealing with endless criminals so many grow clinical.

Did you know victims have the right to ask for a copy of their 911 tape?

These are things I learned. I want to share these things to help other people suffer less.  Please share your experience too,--Together, we can help people.